Famous Company scientists are
interested in the atom, and especially sub-atomic particles. These
teensy-tiny, eeeny-weeny bits of energy/matter make up everything around us.
particle physicists know, each element has a different number of itsy-bitsy
thingees. The periodic table lists the known elements, including rare ones
like Plutonium (element 94), Einsteinium (99), Ununbium (112), and
Up until last Monday, there were 118 known or suspected elements. Now, in
a major breakthrough, the Famous Company has found the mysterious 119th
It was discovered using the Intel Play QX3 microscope. New operating
systems made it more powerful, until it worked just like a scanning electron
Then, powerful graphics algorithms gave even more magnification. (These
are the same computer programs used in Hollywood movies to zoom in on a
single person from a geostationary satellite, or to reconstruct a crime
scene from a photo taken in complete darkness.)
As you can see, this amazing technology soon revealed the unique makeup
of the Unbelieveium nucleus. Energetic subatomic particles are arranged in a
rigid 3D tetrahedral lattice:
for large view (please, please, please)
Structure and behavior
boring atoms have a nucleus with protons and neutrons. Unbelieveium's
nucleus, however, is made up of 7 boytrons, and 13 girltrons. Ordinarily
these particles are mutually repulsive. Trying to keep them together in the
close confines of the nucleus leads first to taunting, then to yelling, then
screaming. Finally, the repulsive energy -- a power surpassing even the
Strong Nuclear force -- leads to nuclear meltdown and an explosion.
So how can Unbelieveium even exist as a stable particle?
The "secret" of Unbelieveium is the teachertron particle in the upper
right, made of Murrellium. This is the gluon which holds the nucleus
together -- at least, until the particles start to decay.
It is believed that this particular configuration has a half-life of
about nine months. From late August until early June the boytrons and
girltrons are able to co-exist, until finally they dissipate. It is thought
that this dissoving is caused by the teachertron exhausting its energy
resources. As a result, the boytrons and girltrons drift off.
Fortunately, they recombine in new configurations after a few months when
newly energized teachertrons re-appear.
Danger to humans?
Scientists warn older humans to be wary of element 119. In high
concentrations, its sound, like that of chattering monkeys, can be
deafening. Also, it can be unpleasant to watch -- especially during lunch as
it ingests energy sources without fully closing its input portal.
In the worst cases, scientists have observed digital mucus extraction
without any protective intervening tissue, leading the scientists to quickly
run out of the room before they became sickened by the sight.
However, the raw energy developed by the particles in Unbelieveium may
also be a boon to mankind. It is thought that Unbelieiveium, when not
confined or controlled, will remain active until midnight or even 2 am.
(Some cautionary reports have indicated that it may become grumpy the next
Famous Company scientists will continue to study the strange structure of
Unbelieiveium, during its most active period between 2:05 and 2:30 p.m.,
Mondays through Fridays. As with many new discoveries, if there are
unexpected hazards or new breakthroughs, public authorities will be
2007 - Age 10